heavy sigh
Parenting with someone who hurt you. That shit is hard. I don’t mean someone who lied, cheated and hurt you emotionally, I mean someone who used to enjoy tossing you around like a rag doll and using your face as a punching bag.

I have moved past saving money for a hitman (not a joke ) and have even accepted his apology. That doesn’t mean I want to be friends with him or hang out, it does mean I can be in the same space as him and not feel apprehensive and maniacal. My kids deserve to have 2 parents in their life, 2 active parents,regardless of what our past together is. That doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t look at him and have a surge of anger run through me or that when his number pops up on my screen ,my finger might hesitate over the ignore button before I answer, it happens more often than not.

The bottom line is I do it for my kids. The older 2 are not biologically his but they are his, the grandbaby is his, 6 people in this house love and need him versus one who doesn’t. What is that called? Majority rule,right? Google says that is correct.

I guess I need to put on my big girl pants and suck it up. I can’t promise to like it but I do appreciate him making an effort to be there for his children.