A friend of mine made a comment to me about the show Breaking Bad. I had never even thought about watching it before but thought hey why not. So I looked around and found the first season online. I am 4 episodes in and I like the show but it is hard as hell to watch. The nerd in me loves the chemistry aspect of it but the inner kid in me hates the cancer scenes. I get it, the whole premise of the show is that he has cancer and that is why he does what he does but, damn, those scenes are hard to watch.

I lost my Pops to cancer in ’98. He started with prostate cancer in 93 or 94 then went into remission after having radiation. Then around Christmas of 98 he told me he had cancer again but that he was going to have chemo and not to worry. Of course, I worried. I started making plans to move back to Texas immediately. He turned 65 on April 15th and was fine. He enjoyed his birthday, we talked for hours and he was happy. 4 days later he started getting sick, 5 or 6 days after that he was no longer able to walk, in 3 more days he was bed ridden and rapidly wasting away. My sister and I were doing all we could to get the money together to get to him when we got the call he was in hospice care. 14 days after his 65th birthday, 10 minutes after we hit town and called my step-mom to tell her we were there he smiled and took his last breath. 14 days from happy, healthy and ready to start chemo to gone, forever.

So when I watch the character Walt, struggling through chemo, losing his hair and gasping for breath I wonder if my Pops dealt with those same issues and then I get sad because I miss him every day.

I wonder if I will make it past season 1.

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