Do ya’ll remember when bacon wasn’t hip? When it was just for breakfast or occasionally cushioned between two slices of mayo covered bread with tomato and lettuce for lunch? (Great now I am hungry.) Now the hipsters have taken bacon to another level, bacon blogs,bacon taco shells, bacon toothpaste, chocolate covered bacon, bacon restaurants, bacon bouquets to show your special someone how much you care, bacon ice cream, bacon mayo, even wallets that look like slices of bacon (I may or may not have bought one of these for Picasso, maybe).
Bacon has gone viral; everyone is on the bacon hype. I always knew bacon was special,the rest of you were late to the game. If you don’t eat real bacon for whatever reason, turkeys and cows are kindly offering themselves up to be bacon-ified. I dated an herbivore for a while and he ate veggie bacon, personally I see that as sacrilegious but hey, if he can sleep at night I guess I can accept it.
Because of all the bacon hype, and don’t get me wrong I am positive a bon martini served in a bacon class on a bacon coaster hits the spot after a long day of whatever you do during the day, but man, all this bacon love has driven the cost of bacon through the dang roof. How can I afford to have a bacon, bacon burger on bacon buns with a side of bacon fries and candied bacon for dessert when a pound of bacon is as much or more than a gallon of gas? Do I wanna eat bacon or go somewhere? In case you wondered I am doing that scale thingy with my hands right now, well not right right now or I couldn’t type, but you know what I mean stop being difficult would ya..
In order to get bacon back into affordable territory I am starting an anti-bacon campaign. Maybe I can convince those hipsters that cauliflower is the second coming of bacon, or even kale because kale has been popping up in my news feed a lot lately. Yeah let’s go with Kale, hey hipsters you should totally get on the kale hype so poor schmucks like me can go back to enjoying our crispy bacon-y goodness in peace.