I feel like a complete failure as a parent. I had to call the police for help today. He had a major meltdown within 4 minutes of getting home today. That festered and 3 hours later I heard screaming and saw his little brother rolling out of the room screaming. I jumped over his brother, rolling him backwards as I did, as he stamped down with his foot yelling profanity. I corral him into the bathroom as his siblings come running up the stairs and out of their rooms to help. That does not help, it pisses him off more. As I get him into the bathroom he turns and shoves me hard. I plant my feet and let him know that will not fly. Keep your hands to yourself I start as he punches a huge hole in the bathroom wall. He is spitting and screaming, veins bulging sweat dripping, full blown rager. And I cannot do anything but ride it out. I kept him in the bathroom as long as I could but he got past me and rushed into the hall threatening his younger brother again. I am in the doorway trying to stop him from getting to his brother when he runs into his room, leaps onto his nightstand and threatens to jump out of the 2nd story window. He has one leg on the sill and his torso leaning out into the air. His older brother and I are trying to tug him back in as I try to explain to the 911 dispatcher what she is hearing.

76 minutes, it took them 76 effing minutes to get here; in the mean time we have more holes in the walls, a terrified 10 yr. old and mama with a debilitating migraine. He saw the cars pull up and went into shut down mode, slowing his breath while muttering about kicking their windows out if they tried to take him anywhere. I open the door to the same officer who has been out for the issues with the kids bullying him. I start explaining to them what is going on and burst into tears. Crap! I hate doing that. He denies everything, he did none of those things, I am lying on him, I hate him so I want him out and the list goes on. They talk him down and call a Sgt. to see if he should go in for a 72 hr. mental eval, but he isn’t presenting so they cannot take him. They tell him if they have to come back he will have to go to the hospital, he is contrite. They drive away and he explodes. I called the police on him, I am now the enemy. I can’t explain to him, in a way that he processes that I am not mad at him, I am afraid for him. That I don’t want him or his siblings hurt but he can’t hear me over his feelings of betrayal. My heart hurts as much as my head.

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