My twins are turning 15 in just a few short hours. Eeek! 15! She has turned into a typical 15 yr old girl with mood swings, melancholy music drifting from under her closed bedroom door, unexplained screaming at the top of her voices for no reason and the infamous side eye/screw face that is always pointing in my direction. He on the other hand is still a little boy who is inexplicably trapped in an ever changing body that confuses and intrigues him.

I pull my hair out when I hear her screaming reach a frenetic pitch and I cringe every time I hear the Beibs coming from her headphones while she paints her nails yet again. “What mom? I have only changed the color 10 times today, ugh you are always finding fault with me. I just want to be me, why can’t I dye my hair black and wear all black? Why can’t I get my dimples pierced? Why can’t I have a boyfriend? Why can’t I wear full face makeup? Why can’t I go to my friends’ party? Why can’t I go to the mall by myself? Why, why, why?” *insert blank stare here because if I do anything else she thinks I am picking*

I go a little gray each time her brother asks to leave the house because I know he can’t read the social cues of his peers so he likes to talk about boobies, butts and body functions. I ache that he can’t go play football with kids his age but is stuck hanging with his little brother and his friends or is in his room with that infernal racket he listens to spilling out from under his earphones while playing his PlayStation and stimming LOUDLY. He wants more independence but I hold fast to him to keep him protected a little longer.

I remember holding them for the first time, her at 6 lbs and him at a little under 5 lbs. Two little chicken leg having, snuggly little bundles of love. I had no idea then how different our lives were about to become or how different they would be. I am glad he has her, and she has him. It gives me some comfort that they have each other no matter what. This is our reality and we will continue to have our good days and bad ones, we will continue loving one another and being here for each other no matter what we face.

So happy birthday twins. Kick 15’s ass and keep kicking for many, many more.