Gawd ,can school start already. Technically I would like a little more time to get the prerequisite new uniforms and supplies out of the way, but would really dig being able to send the little crumb snatchers back to school like yesterday. I cannot keep any food in this joint, NONE. For someone who works hard to stretch an already tight food budget, summer time “I was bored so I ate 4 sandwiches, a pack of tortillas slathered with butter and cinnamon sugar and 2 family sized bags of chips for a snack around 3 but I am totally ready to scarf back thirds on dinner by 6” is KILLING me softly. I have started eating a small bowl of rice midday as my one and only meal in hopes that A. I would lose a few pounds B. We would have food in the fridge longer than the day I shop and the 1 day after that and C. if they saw me foregoing a meal or twenty they would be inclined to follow suit. Jokes on me, they fight over my portion now too. The Eldest wants it because he is older, the teen girls want it because they must have everything of mine just because, the boy needs it because he is a teenager and he is always hungry (read bottomless pit), the youngest son feels like he should get it because he is my baby and the Grand could give 2 shits as long as she has her blueberry bagels and fruit cups to get her through the morning. Explaining once again why I have the most epic Grandkid in history, she will sit there gnawing away on her bagel and watch them go all nutso, crazy, almost to blows over who had more milk in their cereal (true story) and look at them like they are so beneath her, the only time she has a use for them is when the Kindle dies or she runs out of juice in her sippy cup.
Outside of them eating everything in sight they are harshing my mellow with their incessant complaints of boredom. You have cell phones, cable, Hulu, DVD’s, a freaking game console with assorted games, a basketball court and each other – how the eff are you freaking bored? Seriously, if it is serious enough for you to come in my room, flop across my bed and whine for 20 minutes and risk my wrath you deserve the extra chores I am going to give your ass. When did they stop giving kids that ‘How to Handle Your Parents with Kid Gloves’ handbook I had as a kid? Hell I never told my Mom I was bored, if I did I would have had to go bake some bread or chop wood or some shit, she wouldn’t just say, “ Oh ok let me stop what I am doing and cater to your every whim.” Hell no! She would get perverse pleasure out of giving me a job to do and I better act like I was enjoying myself or I would get two more added on. These kids have got the game twisted. (Hey don’t judge my vocab, I have been home with 4 teens for 6 incredibly long weeks) Go find something to do and leave Mom alone , she is trying to figure out how to feed you all on 3 beans, a half a hot dog and 2 raisins.


P.S This is totally not my fridge, this one is clean. Mine is not. Ever.