I need to write. I need to clear my head from all the chaos that has been happening around here. I don’t want to write about that just yet, I am still processing it. I thought maybe I would write about my child turning 18 tomorrow and the journey we have taken to get there but, to be honest, I am having mixed feelings about what 18 will mean for her ( and my sweet grandbaby) and I am not ready to address those fears and those feelings right now either.
I need a release, a break from stressing and worrying so I though maybe I would write something funny. As soon as I started typing I realized that I have nothing funny to write about. I think that makes me sadder than any bad day possibly could. Laughter has always been my escape. My very best friend. To think that I cannot find something, anything to laugh at scares the hell out of me.
Can I really be that messed up emotionally (and mentally) that I have lost my best friend? I love laughing. I love that my laugh is obnoxious and loud. I love the feeling that I get when I am lost in laughter. I don’t want to be best friends with tears and depression. I want my friend back and have no idea how to do it.