I haven’t written a blog post in moons. Life has kicked my ass twelve ways from Sunday and is still drawing back its boot on a regular. Between the kids, the grands and myself, I don’t have a lot of time for outside relationships. I am not just talking about romantic relationships, but friendships and even some within my extended family. If it isn’t about or involving my immediate 6 (plus 1 on the way, but that is its own post) then it isn’t a priority for me. Now don’t get me wrong, I still cherish those relationships, hell I even miss them, but my reality right now is this little clump of humans. My humans.

Recently The Boy has gone on what I hope is final growth spurt going from 180 lbs and 6’2” up to around 260 lbs and is looking his father in the eye at a lovely 6’7”. His shoe size went from a 10 to a 14. Since freaking December!!! He eats like food will no longer exist after that meal. I can’t keep food in the house. He and his brother went through $500 worth of groceries in 9 days. 9 days! Then, he had the nerve to be mad when I got mad that my fridge echoed when I opened it. Boy bye!

The Youngest has lost his fucking mind. He is doing some real out of line, unacceptable shit. Cussing at his teachers, refusing to follow direction at home and school, running off at the mouth regardless of where he is and being aggressive with his sisters and a female teacher. I do not play that shit. First of all I am not raising males who get their kicks demeaning, threatening or in any way being an asshole to women. Sisters, teachers, whoever. If she has a vagina stay out of her face with that aggressive, disrespectful bullshit.

The gal humans are doing better than the boys right now. But that could change as I am typing. Cindy has been struggling a little. A lot. She is struggling a lot. And I can’t help her because she hates me. I guess because I am breathing, I dunno. So I just try to stay out of her way and call her therapist a lot for support. PTSD sucks as an adult, I can’t imagine how fucked up it is as a teenager.

Eldest Gal is 5 months pregnant. With a boy. One more human for me to love. And clothe. She dropped out of school(again) because she is sick every waking moment with this little fella. And because she was sleeping 14 hours a day her first trimester.  She has made arrangements to go back in the fall. And she did it on her own, with no coercing from me. Which is huge for this chick!

The Grand is hitting a stage I call her ‘threenage year’. She has gotten to be a real handful lately. But, she is still my little cupcake so I am really trying to discipline in a positive way instead of tying her little ass to a tree or packing my shit and running away. I remember telling her Mom that her kid would be paying her back for all the shit she did to me, but hell I didn’t mean do it while you still live with me.

The Eldest is doing any and everything he can to avoid being at home. He dances with three different crews; he goes to school, does shoots for his dancer friends and goes out a lot. If he is home he rolls in around 1 a.m. and is gone by 7 or 8 a.m. I get it though. If I could leave like that I would to.

And me? I am a big ole ball of fucked up, mixed with some gnarly-ness and sprinkled with Meh. A fucking ray of sunshine I am not.