Sometimes, when certain feelings hit, I write.
Sometimes, when those feelings hit, what I write is uncensored and raw, full of profanity and overflowing with emotion. It is the real story of who I am in that moment and how I became the person I am today. Sometimes I share what I write here or on my personal Facebook page, because it might be funny, have merit to someone other than myself or because I just don’t give a fuck anymore.
More often than not, I type it up in Word and delete it or save it to my computer. More pieces make it in those 2 places than they do here or FB. They might ramble to and fro, with no real meaning or simply, not for the faint of heart.
I live the majority of my life with the shades drawn. I introvert and keep to myself only sharing bits and pieces.In censoring myself, I am not protecting anyone, all I am doing is being untrue to myself. To the experience. The whole point of this blog was to share my story, in case someone else out there was living the same story. They would know they weren’t alone. I thought I was for years. That is no way for any one to feel. I have a story to tell. It won’t be for everyone. I think it is time for me to open the shades and stop hiding. To be true to the process and , damn the consequences. Well maybe not that far, but more than just an occasional peek. Somewhere out there their is an ex-cosmetologist,chef,lunch lady, preschool teacher with 5 kids, a survivor of horrific violence and who lives with chronic pain just waiting for someone like me to come along and say, ” look, here I am. I am all of those things too. We are not alone.”